On March 19th 2020, at 3:19pm, I was completely clueless about the world. I didn't know it though, I thought I knew so much. One minute later, I began to wake up in a way that felt like a bee sting that never went away, just right there in the center of my back just out of reach for relief. It's still there today, relentlessly stinging me. See, that was the minute that my boss came into my office to tell me that the organization that I worked for was shutting down because of a Pandemic.
I thought I understood the world. I knew there were problems, I knew there was greed and gluttony, but I believed truly that Humanity would win over greed. I knew there was racism, but I was sure it wasn’t prevalent in the world I grew up in. I believed it must be elsewhere, but not here, alleviating any need for action against it. I had my proverbial head in the sand for the past few years, because everything seemed so hopeless after watching America elect a Dictator/former Reality TV Star, to the Presidency. I wasn't paying attention. Since then, I haven't been able to stop paying attention. And now I know I will never stop. This is my purpose, to bear witness to Humanity’s triumphs and failure, and capture it in my art.
There's a Pandemic, millions will die, we aren't safe here
A what?
A Pandemic
What is a Pandemic? You mean like in the movies? Zombies?
No, or at least let's hope not.
I worked for a very large non-profit organization in the Midwest, and shutting down at that point seemed absolutely impossible. In my department alone, we had hundreds of employees, hundreds of clients, and dozens of facilities providing residential care to clients with disabilities and mental illness in group homes. Those group homes were my responsibility. My programs could not close because they were residential. And, we were in a unique situation where we were considered "residential providers" or "landlords" who were sanctioned during covid restricting any discharges for any reason. Basically, we were not allowed to close, the government called us "essential." So, while everyone cleared out of the offices toting boxes and succulents, I began setting up shop in my dining room to streamline the crap out of every system we had in order to meet the needs of our residents and staff during what was shaping up to be a potential extinction level event - coming fast. I had two small kids still living at home. They pulled up next to me in the dining room and we all went to work fighting the good fight to remain as "normal" as possible for as long as possible to survive this crisis. We did everything we were told to do, got all the vaccines, wiped all the groceries, learned to swab our own brains to keep the germs from spreading. We skipped out on important events, we canceled weddings, funerals, reunions, birthdays...
Are you all coming to the party Saturday?
Yes
Please submit at least two negative COVID tests, spaced 2 days apart each, at least 24 hours prior to your arrival. Once you arrive, there will be a large Quarantine pod set up in the front yard. Please step into the door labeled "A" and remove your clothing. Step into the sanitation pod, stay in this pod for at least 3 minutes with your hands up and palms out. Once cleared, you will receive sanitized clothing to wear to the event. Step through the door labeled "B" and you can begin the process of entering the event.
When I think back to this period, I can’t escape that big emptiness in the center of all of it. That emptiness, that overwhelming grief and despair. The things we lost. The people we lost. The Humanity we lost. It’s too hard to sit with it. It feels like needles in the back of my head, and a kick square in the center of my chest at the same time. Images of body bags lining the hallways of hospitals, and trucks filled with bodies lining the streets of New York, and “virtual funerals” flood my mind when I think about it, even several years later.
You don't need to know who I am, because I am you. If you were alive in 2020, then some version of this is true for you too. You have also woken up since then. You see it too. You lost everything then too. We all did.
Looking back, I recognize how transformative the pandemic was. It revealed critical issues in America's health care and social systems, including policing, housing inequality, access to food and shelter, and government corruption through lobbying and insider trading. Despite realizing the gravity of these problems, I didn't fully grasp their extent. Yet, I proceeded with determination and resilience, holding onto hope.
Melissa
